HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BEN!

two years....it's been two years that God has blessed us with benjamin seth. how can it be? how can it be two years since we held him for the first time? today is so bittersweet for me. yes, ben finally came into our lives....but it just magnified the hole that is seth's spot in our family. always realizing that ben and lydia will never meet their older brother this side of the vale. why can't i just be joyous and happy for our dear sweet surprise? ugh!!! i hate what grief does to a person!!! why is it so much work? why can't it be "easier"? why can't my hole be filled? i guess it will be when Jesus returns....but some days that seems so far away.

the other day ben was doing his ritual of asking "andoo?"...."he's at school"....."leah?"...."lydia's at school"......."uke?"....."he's at school"....."abby?".....she's at school...."cece?"..."grace is at school"...."kaba?".....caleb's at school....."daddy?".....daddy's at work (it usually takes a few minutes!!). but that day he ended with "fesh?" (his 'seth').....my heart SOARED!! he included seth right along with the others!! "setb is in Heaven" then we ask him who does seth live with? we get him to say Jesus and then "when will you see seth again?...........he says "sunday" for someday. someday ben-ben.....you're right.....someday we all will see him again....i LONG for that day!

ben found seth's hat one day and i found him like this....absolute joy.