MY LAST FIRST

yes, that time-honored tradition has come for our little ben-ben. a tradition in which they have no idea what is about to hit them. one that may or may not bring a lifetime of scars. a tradition in which mom's across this nation either look very forward to....or dread with each passing day. that's right.....their child's first haircut!!

this mom really has no problem strapping them down somehow....attempting to cut the first hair from their head. i always figure that i'm doing ok if I'M the one doing the first cutting rather than the child or one of their beloved siblings performing the tradition to their brother. so the day had arrived...........and i was prepared.

highchair - check

snacks - check

tv on the annoying clifford show - check

scissors, clippers - check

child - double check

right child - triple check

off we go.....first attempt. screaming bloody murder (from ben, not me!) and cowering away from the scissors. cooing and coaxing from mom, more screaming and cowering. ok, no problem...try another way. put on the always soothing, zone inducing, parent loving baby einstein video.

2nd attempt. first cut...no blood - progress made. able to make a few more snips before he figures out what's happening. no screaming...just MUCH cowering and now he trying to wipe away the pieces of hair from his face. hands just a flailing and .....shoot....screaming starts again. ok...getting just a little flustered, but the tradition must be finished - can't have him walking around with one side of his head heavier than the other!

3rd attempt. ok, getting a little desperate....give him cooking utensils that he's never been allowed to play with but always trying to get at. rules are going out the window quicker than the hair coming off his head!

few more clips...getting closer. almost there....bugger - utensils flying through the air, screaming reaching new decible levels, hands all over the face. mom is getting almost to the end of her tricks...but wait - one last resort. one that will work for any living, breathing male - the remote control!!!!

4th attempt. i'm getting quicker at my clipping and getting closer to the finish! almost done and ben wanting me to get out of his way so that he can see his tv work it's magic from the push of the buttons. 'get outta my way, woman!' i can almost hear him say. one last cut and.... we're .....DONE!!

so...i've just experienced my last first haircut with our children. he's still in the highchair with the remote in hand, hair all over the high chair, utensils on the floor, and MY hair still intact! SUCCESS!!!! :):):):):)

WHAT CAN I SAY?

need a smile.....give a smile.....or two. this just makes me laugh every time i see them! 2 peas in a pod! shows you what a great brother caleb is.....makes a mom's heart proud!!! enjoy!

THE BEGINNING....

tonight marks a very important date for greg & i. we have our first meeting with a group of people that we've been called to ask to be involved with our project. a few weeks ago i hinted at something that greg & i were being led to do and tonight starts the beginning of that project. it's a journey that started with seth's death and hopefully will last for many, many years to come. God has been so 'at work' with this that it's beyond humbling. let's just say we feel COMPLETELY out of our comfort zone and completely in the middle of God's plan for us....which is exactly where we're suppose to be i guess.

we are in the process of starting a non-profit ministry. this ministry is geared towards children who are grieving the loss of someone in their lives. it will be faith-based which is different than other children support systems around. we can't imagine having to speak with kids about death and dying without talking about heaven and God. so that's what He is calling us to do....to provide a place where children can come and be with other children who are going down the same grief road that they are on. we pray that we will be able to minister to these kids that they have nothing to fear of heaven - if they have asked Jesus into their hearts. we experienced our own kids being almost fearful of heaven....which is normal i would think. they know and have been taught that heaven is this wonderfully happy place - but it's still an unknown to them and now that they know someone who is actually there we needed to explain to them what heaven was really like....at least from what the Bible tells us it's like. so we pray that we'll be able to minister to these kids who are thrown into these unknown grief feelings and to reassure them, to provide a safe and Christian atmosphere for them to deal with their feelings, and for them to get to know other kids their age who are feeling the same way.

so that's it in a nutshell. a great, big, ginormous nutshell.....but a shell all the same. please pray for us tonight and in the weeks ahead as we get this ministry going. pray that we will be able to see where God is leading us, who He needs to be involved (if He's calling you....contact us!!! :):)), and most of all for HIS name to be glorified.

so this is the beginning....a beginning of something that will honor God utmost, but also be something that will be a legacy for our seth. i pray that both will happen.

MAUNDY THURSDAY

i love easter. it's my favorite all time holiday....period. it always has been and now it brings more meaning than ever. last easter was our 1st without seth. it was the most hope filled day i have experienced since nov. 4, 2007. i'm looking forward to sunday. if it weren't for easter seth wouldn't be where he is now. tonight was maundy thursday services it struck me again - God knows this heavy heart hurt....for He lost His Son too. the road to Golgotha that He took was such a painful one. we had nails to hold for the entire service and then at the end we placed our nails on a cross. so powerful.....and yet so hopeful. sunday is coming.....easter is coming......Christ is coming.....i long for each of them.

IT HAPPENED...

it happened.....for the first time since seth's death - it happened. i called one of the kids seth. greg and i were praying with caleb before he left on friday morning for a week long mission trip with some families from our church and i let it slip. i had been dreading this goodbye and was remembering the last time i said goodbye to one of our sons - that goodbye was for the long run. i couldn't stop picturing in my head caleb and seth playing together on the shores of the crystal sea in heaven. it scared me. so when we were praying..it happened. i called caleb seth. after the prayer caleb was just blindly staring at me, not knowing really what to say. i acted like it didn't happen....stupid.

i dropped caleb off at the church and watched them leave in 4 vans. i watched caleb leave and i cried. i prayed. i cried some more.....and i haven't stopped praying since. he's called me several times and other than one call last night saying that his stomach hurt (probably from not eating the best and not sleeping so well the night before b/o the monster he drank at 8:30pm!!! i guess he'll learn the hard way) he's been doing fine. i pray that he has an amazing time serving others, but more - i pray that it will be a time for him to experience a spiritual high (maybe i'm expecting too much of a 14 year old?!?!) i so want for him to have the desire to spend time with God....i hope this week brings it about.

it's just been a hard few days. seth has been on my mind so much more lately - i have no idea why. i miss him. i would give anything to break up an argument between him and luke. i miss his smile, his voice, his laugh. and then i remember that my time here on earth is so very short compared to eternity. i look at it like i look back on my adolescence. when i was in middle/high school it seemed like i'd NEVER grow up and be on my own. it seemed to take forever! now.....(i won't tell you how many years later), but i look back and realize how extremely fast it all went. i expect it will be like that when i get to heaven. i can't wait for that day. i dream about that day - when i see my Savior face to face....when i see seth face to face. i want that day........yesterday.