ONLY BY THE GRACE OF GOD

it's been exactly one month today since i've last written. what a month it's been! school started and we haven't stopped since. caleb has been completely saturated with football and his first year of high school. grace started soccer and is hating school since her BFF isn't in ANY of her classes. abby is getting used to being in middle school and is doing great academically. luke has had NO bus notices, but did already have a detention. he is trying very hard, though! andrew is enjoying being 'top dog' in the elementary school and tries to figure out new and interesting ideas to prevent himself from having to read ANYTHING. lydia is going to school in the afternoons on Mondays through Thursdays and is ALMOST potty trained (YEA!!! no more terrifying screams coming from her after she poops!!!). and ben is home screaming 'eat' whenever he enters the kitchen! our life here is far from quiet.......and i love it! (usually...)

greg is still busy as ever at the office/hospital. this summer he was on the search committee for our church to find a new youth pastor. THAT was a busy committment!! so between work, committee work, and around the house projects he ......is my superman!

and myself. where ever do i begin? i've started seeing a counselor. wow....that's hard to admit. 'supermom' mentality and all. i guess it was just mom's turn to take care of herself. it has helped .........alot. to know that i'm NOT crazy.....priceless! she keeps asking me what i'm doing for myself to which i usually reply with the typical 'when another couple hours are added onto a day....THEN i'll do something for myself'. she doesn't usually like that answer so i had to start wondering what i COULD do for myself......and i realized - i like writing (blogging to be more specific). it helps getting all those thoughts that are tangled up in my head down onto a screen.......makes them look so much less overwhelming. so here i am.....trying to get back into it and trying not to think about ALL the other things i should be doing instead. this is good......this is good for me.....so here i sit and type.

i have had such amazing devotions lately. each time i think......i should get that on my blog. so i'll just share a recent one. this devotion was about not understanding God's ways. it reads:

perhaps there is something in your life causing you to question God. do you find yourself saying, "i d not understand why God allowed my loved one to be taken. i do not understand why affliction has been permitted to strike me. i do not understand why the Lord has led me down these twisting paths. i do not understand why my own plans, which seemed so good, have been so disappointing. i do not understnand why the blessings i so desperately need are so long in coming". Dear friend, you do not have to understand all God's ways of dealing with you. He does not expect you to understand them. you do not expect your children to understand everything you do - you simply want them to trust you. and someday you too will see the glory of God in the things you do not understand. J.H.M.

this makes so much sense to me.....the part about my kids not having to understand everything. how many times haven't i said to them 'because i said so'. i always HATED my mom saying that, but in light of this devotion - it just makes sense. i AM glad that God has allowed me to see Him everywhere. some people have asked us 'where do you think God went when seth died?" and i can honestly tell them...."no where....He never left". i am so thankful that we don't have a bitter heart, that we ARE able to see that God is working in our lives even in death, and that He is using us in so many different ways that were never possible if seth hadn't died. i'm so glad that i can honestly say 'thank you, God.....not for taking seth from us for a while, but for letting us see some positive things come from it.' i never thought i could get on this side of a loss this big and be able to say that...........ONLY by the grace of God.