WAVES

whoever said that grief was like waves hit the mark......dead on. it's just the intensity of those waves that surprise me at times. there are those little "ankle biter" waves - times when i think of seth and have a bittersweet memory of him. and there are those times when they are tidal waves. a tidal wave hit this morning.....head on.

abby and luke were going on a field trip today and they were going to be outside most of the day so they were going to need their hats/mittens. luke was looking through the baskets of them and proceeded to dump them all out looking for a pair (lovely.....let the winter ritual of losing mittens begin already!). he grabbed a pair and ran off for the bus - leaving behind of course a mess of mittens and hats. i sat down to start sorting them all ...... then is when i saw it......seth's royal blue detroit lions hat. it was the hat he ALWAYS wore in the winter. (see above picture....i couldn't get it to move down here) i could see him in it. i could hear him complain that he had to wear a hat again. i could smell him. i just want to see him in it again!!!!

grief IS like waves.......some you're able to breathe through.......and others you just feel as if you're drowning. my sister emailed me a beautiful verse in Isaiah 41: 10, 13 "so do not fear, for i am with you; i will strengthen you and help you; i will uphold you with my righteous right hand. for i am the Lord your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; i will help you". it's such a beautiful picture of never being alone - even when it feels like you are. i like the part where He says that He will not only help me, but strengthen me. i don't feel strong today....but i have a hope that one day that strength WILL come and i pray that God alone will be glorified for it. today's tidal wave?......i felt like i was drowning....like i couldn't breath.....like i didn't want to do this 'grief' stuff any more....but i wasn't drowning. i see that now. God was breathing for me....breathing into me a new strength. strength that will get me through the next wave and the next and the one after that. to GOD be the glory!!! amen and amen.