my dear friend sent this to me today. it's EXACTLY what this grief journey is like. i couldn't have said it better.
Please Be Gentle
By Jill B. Englar
Please be gentle with me for I am grieving. The sea I swim in is a lonely one and the shore seems miles away. Waves of despair numb my soul as I struggle through each day. My heart is heavy with sorrow.I want to shout and scream and repeatedly ask 'why?' At times, my grief overwhelms me and I weep bitterly, so great is my loss. Please don’t turn away or tell me to move on with my life. I must embrace my pain before I can begin to heal. Companion me through tears and sit with me in loving silence. Honor where I am in my journey, not where you think I should be. Listen patiently to my story, I may need to tell it over and over again. It’s how I begin to grasp the enormity of my loss. Nurture me through the weeks and months ahead. Forgive me when I seem distant and inconsolable. A small flame still burns within my heart, and shared memories may trigger both laughter and tears. I need your support and understanding. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. I must find my own path. Please, will you walk beside me?
thank you to all who have walked beside me, behind me, and even before me anticipating the needs i may have. i've said many times before: God has asked us to walk this deep, dark valley of grief and death....but He's not asking us to walk it alone. i thank God for the gift of our family, friends, church, and school - i honestly can say that we have seen God through each one of you and for that we'll be eternally grateful. to God alone be all honor and glory both now and forever more.