there are certain things that i LOVE about being a mom. those times when the kids are sick (not that i want them to be sick!) and all they want is their mom to be by them. or when they all come home from school running to see who can get to the door first (i always think that they're just all trying to get to me 1st and tell me about their day - HA!!!:)) or when they say thank you for something without being coaxed. but there is no bigger privelege that i have being these children's mom than when i have the honor to pray for them. now mind you....i don't do it NEARLY as often as i should - i can always do better than what i do, but one of my favorite times to pray for them is when i check on them at night before i head off to bed. tonight was one of those nights and i needed to write it down before i forget....
greg is rounding this week and so he usually turns in earlier since he gets up earlier, but normally the sequence is that he checks on the boys downstairs and i go do the ones upstairs - on rounding weeks i get the job of doing all 7 of them (and i always finish up with our 8th one - seth - when i'm done. is that wrong i wonder? to pray for a child who really doesn't need my prayers anymore? i guess i do it more for me....i feel like his mom yet by doing those 'mom-things' that i would normally do for him if he were here.)
so i got to do MY rounding tonight and it turned out to be such a gift from God - i just needed to share. to be honest, since seth died i've had a hard time tucking in luke. if you've seen luke lately - he's looking SO MUCH like seth. (i think another gift for all of us), but it's very hard for me to see him sleeping....reminds me too much of seth in the hospital. and yet God is faithful. with time i have been able to start doing it again and instead of pain...i find peace.....and so i pray for luke. i pray that he is able to handle the issues that he has been given. i pray that he feels loved. i pray that he will be ok dealing with the loss of seth (i pray that for each of them). i pray for wisdom that we will know how to be the parents that he needs. i pray that someday he'll know how talented he is. i kiss him goodnite...."love you - to the moon and and to the stars, luke"
and then there is caleb....if i can even GET to caleb! he is such the typical teenage boy with a typical teenage boy room. clothes on the floor, ipod still in his ears, snoring up a storm! :) so after wading through his (probably) CLEAN clothes strewn over his floor i kneel by his bed and again enjoy the gift of praying over our oldest child. i thank God that he seems to be doing ok after what he's had to deal with in losing seth. i pray that the memories of that horrific day will one day be so blurry that it's hard to picture it anymore. i pray for the friends that he seems to want to be around more than his parents. i pray for the years of high school ahead of him and that he'll make wise choices. i pray that he will always have the desire to take time before sleeping and spend some time with his Father. i kiss him goodnite....."love you - to the moon and to the stars, caleb".
upstairs i come to andrew's room. step on a few (actually MORE than a few) legos....say a few choice words....and finally get to our rambunctious yet always wanting to help me out little one in andrew. i pray that he will sleep in (he's FOREVER getting up WAY too early). i pray that he'll figure out how to be a friend to someone so that he'll someday have a buddy to hang with all the time. i pray that he does his work in school and that someday realize how smart he really is. i pray for patience as it takes SO MUCH to deal with his little "andrew-isms" at times. i pray that i can be the mom that he didn't have in russia. i pray that he feels unconditional love from me.
i kiss him goodnite....."love you - to the moon and to the stars, andrew"
next is baby ben. sleeping with his little butt in the air, legs crossed at the ankles, and already snoring like his dad at the early age of 1. :) i look down at our sweet little baby and cry at the unbelievable surprise blessing he is to me. i thank God for granting us this miracle child and i smile realizing that God knew me so well that He knew a baby would help start heal my shattered heart. i pray that i will be able to watch ben grow up. i thank God for allowing me to have one more baby to love. i kiss him good nite..."love you ben-ben....to the moon and to the stars"
the girls are slightly more difficult to pray OVER as they now sleep in a loft inches from the ceiling. after scaring the begeebers out of grace one night while i was checking on her, i've resolved to just sit in their separate spaces under the loft and pray for them there....
for abby .... i pray that the smile that lights up a room will never be lost. i pray that she won't "get lost in the middle" i pray that she will always know what a beautiful girl God has made her to be. i pray that her dreams of becoming a nurse will one day come to fruition - for she would make a WONDERFUL one. i pray that she will one day find a man just like her dad that will love her and cherish her for the prized person she is. i pray that she will know how truly special she is. i pray that she will one day experience the joy of being a mom. i throw her a kiss :)..."love you, abby.....to the moon and to the stars"
and our gracefully beautiful grace. our strong, independent, lovely young lady. i pray that she will someday realize why God placed her in our family and that she'll know what a blessing she is. i pray the questions that she has about God's purpose in her life will someday be answered. i pray that someday she'll realize how beautiful she really is. i pray that she will always know how much we love her (even though we don't let her go to the mall with her friends by herself yet - we are SUCH lame parents!!:)) and i pray that the gift of writing that God has given her will one day come in form of a book as she has always dreamed about. i throw her a kiss...."love you....to the moon and to the stars, gracie"
and then our newest little girl. our daughter that we prayed for for so long. little lydie. when i checked on lydia tonight i had this overwhelming need to just hold her, rock her, cuddle with her. so....i'm guilty.....i caved. holding her - wrapped in her ever so soft blanket - i picked her up with her squirming just a little. her eyes trying to open and when she was able to lift her eye lids just a mite - her eyes would roll back each time. i could tell she was trying so hard to figure out what was going on, but after sitting down and rocking her gently she quickly fell back to sleep. i was able to hold her like a mom should hold a child and i thought of the first 2 1/2 years of her life when she didn't have anyone to hold her....which made me cling to her all the more. i prayed that she could just FEEL the love pouring out of me and going into her. looking at her all snuggled up in my arms, sucking away on her thumb....i fell more in love with her than i had before - felt more like her mom than i ever felt before. rain was gently falling outside....her sweet lullaby music playing....her melting into my arms as much as my arms were melting into hers.....perfection. i pray that she will ALWAYS feel loved, that she will not only know the love of a mom and a dad, but that someday she will feel the love of a Heavenly Father who chose HER to come home to us. i kiss her goodnite....."love you lydie.....to the moon and to the stars"
and finally, to the one child who probably doesn't need his mom's prayers anymore, but who's mom NEEDS to keep praying for him. i pray that God actually DOES give him a hug and tell him we love him EVERY time i pray it. i pray that he thinks of how much his mom & dad still love him and miss seeing him. i pray that he is experiencing the kind of love that he's never experienced before but was sooooo deserved. i pray that i was a good enough mom to him for the short 5 years that we had him. i pray that his legacy will live on long after he's been gone. i pray for the day to come soon that i'll be able to hold him and hug him and tell him again to his face "love you, seffers.....to the moon and to the stars" and wishing i could give him one more kiss on his little face.
so....my rounding is done. :) my job is finished for the night (morning). and i go to bed with a heart so filled with joy from the blessings of these amazing children. i pray that tomorrow i can wake up and be a better mom than i was today.